Friday, January 13, 2012

Merry go 'rounds

Merry go 'rounds. Truly a idiotic invention. And not only are they giving the impression that their makers approve of the spoiled, stinky creatures that are "horses", they are also putting your pitiful young in danger. Today, I explain why, in case you haven't understood what I'm trying to explain yet (And I'm sure [at least the case of you commoners] most of you are completely in the dark). 

Let's get right to the point, Lemmings. If you are a parent taking your child to a amusement park (Though I don't see what's so amusing about them: I think going on rides is childish) than I highly advise you keep your disgusting children away from any merry go 'round that might catch their beady little eyes. Sure, they might have fun while riding a "terrifying" tiger (Why would they put a carnivore on a ride that is supposed to give you the impression that all is well in the world?) or a "beautiful" stallion, it will greatly affect their learning skills when they are teens, when you stupidly waste your money on getting them into class on DRIVING, of all things (Why learn how to drive when you have pre-determined servants to drive for you). And you see, Lemmings, their years of riding the merry go 'round will have left them with the impression that things such as car crashes can't happen to them, and they will also think that the car will know where they wan't to go if they say "Faster, girl (Or boy)!" - for that's how it was on the merry go 'round - and when they are either driving for the driving test, or going out for their first real drive, they will see a turn coming up, but instead of turning the wheel they will say "Faster, boy (Or girl)!", and will crash into the course barrier and get smashed in the face with a airbag, or will drive into the freeway, forget about the speed limit signs,  and so they will go the same speed as a merry go round, and get their car smashed by a trailer truck, respectively. And worst of all, merry go 'rounds make people want horses, which is wrong in so many ways. 

Blog readers, do not let this happen to YOUR pitiful children! Tell those "merry" go 'rounds that they've crashed their last car! Lemmings, you must act now! Get in your cars, bring matches and sticks, and set fire to every merry go 'round you can find! (And if you kill some children, all the better! Then they won't irritate me so much) And while you're at it, burn down every other flammable ride you can find! And if they don't catch fire, pour water on their engines! ...Except of course the roller coasters and ferris wheels. They make for good anti-almost-everything locations. 

Talk amongst yourselves, and then go kick a merry go 'round!

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