Cars. They were invented in 1984, and since then they have been the cause of many of the problems that threaten humanity. They have been pumping gallons of won-- er, HORRIBLE carbon di oxide into the air, they are constantly crashing into other cars, killing thousands, and to top it all off, they are bringing about the releases of racing games! For instance:
Just the other day, I saw my pitiful brother, Maxo (I like to refer to him as "My Little Brother, Lemming Forge" or "My Pitiful Twin, Maxo Idiot") playing some sort of reality stimulation program on some strange blue device of most certain evil (I believe it's called a 3DS, of all names). I peaked over his shoulder to see what he was plotting, and what did I see? A robotic silver plumber in a monster of a machine, raising a transparent turtle monster in a race car on a rainbow colored race track! Yes, I had relised that THIS was what plan cars had secretly been working on behind my back: Mario Kart. But never fear for my pathetic brother. In a rare act of kindness (And by kindness, I mean rage that Maxo was enjoying his pitiful life on Earth), I snatched the death device from my twin, ran out onto the porch, and obliterated the system with the one thing reality stimulation programs are weak against: being thrown into a concrete porch (And remember, the "K" and "T" in "Kart" is only there to disguise the word "Car").
Now do you see why cars are a threat to humanity (and why didn't they put a limousine as a kart in Mario Kart 7, anyway)? If you ask me, I say we were better off with horse drawn carriages! Lemmings, sell your cars as soon as possible, and get a horse instead. Remember, blog readers, it's better to have to take care of a lazy horse, than it is to have false convenience in your life.
Talk amongst your--
...wait a moment. I take the sentience about carriages back. Actually, there is one kind of "car" that stands out from the rest. And it has become a part of my everyday life. Sooooooo... despite the fact that these blogs are supposed to bring you Lemmings back to the simple truth that life sucks, I now shall lie a bit and say that there are actually things in life that I actually approve of. And so, here is the next part of this blog.
Limousines
Limousines. They certainly are as blessed as a soulless means of transportation can be. Though you pathetic Lemmings are content to drive snazzy looking sports cars and those cars that could be army weapons (I believe they are called hummers), us greedy and spoiled twelve year olds know that that will never do. And that is why the creators of the universe made the limousine.
Not only do they look amazing on the outside, but they're almost as good on the inside. There is no doubt in my mind they were made to make me and the others like me feel like the king of the world. They have everything a spoiled brat would want (Or at least MY limo has whatever I could ever want, not that I'm a brat, of course): a bar with my own bar tender (who is always out of the ingredients for a Shirley Temple), a sky light, lots of room for friends (Not that really have many friends), adjustable air conditioning, a wide-screen T.V., even a miny fridge (Which I always make sure has at least one serving of Surf and Turf inside)!
Lemmings, forget about the new car you're saving up for! Forget about that fancy house in Hawaii! If you must try to be as rich and handsome as moi, then get a limousine! If we work together, we will be able to shape the world in MY image! Everyone will be the same! Everyone will be mean! Everyone will be spoiled! And best of all, everyone will do as I say!
So you'd better get a limousine, or else I'll sue you! ...But I suppose I'll still let you talk amongst yourselves.
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