Ursa Major and Ursa Minor

Hello, my lemming followers. Today we will discuss one of the most idiotic things that lemming-kind has ever used their tiny minds to come up with. The "constellation" (Don't ask, I don't get how you came up with that either) known as Ursa Major and Ursa Minor.

I'd like to begin that saying that I do not only harbor resentment for these two clusters of stars. I am only pointing out this pair because just this example will be more than enough to prove my point, and if I wrote about the others this blog would have to be a two-parter. But enough introduction. On to the reason this blog was about stars instead of paintings, cookies, or even - *shudder!* - wheel-shaped pasta noodles! I HATE those horrid little WHEELS!!! How can anyone eat them when they look like one of the four things on your car that roll through mud, dust, and nuclear waste?! ...But that's a blog for another time. Oh yes. My point.

Ursa Major. Easily one of my top five least favorite star formations. First of all, it's story is just horrible! The king of the gods, Zeus, is attracted to a nymph named Callisto. Now Hera, who was jealous of this, turned Callisto into a bear. Later, Callisto happened apon her son Arcas. The little brat tries to shoot that aforementioned ugly old bear, and Zeus then turns Arcas into a bear and sends them into the heavens to prevent the horrible fate. I suppose it isn't too bad a tale (I'm a big fan of jealousy and drama), but then it's happy ending has to be ruined by the two bears getting shot into space to live happily ever after as Ursa Major and Ursa Minor (Or something, I'm not sure what it's like being transformed into flaming gasses that burn any rocket ship that comes near it). Second, Ursa Major's design is flawed. If you look at it's original formation, it's "head" is pointed and it looks like Myrmecophaga Tridactyla Major. And if you look at it from it's more recent formation then not all of it's head is shown. And what is shown makes it's head bigger than it's body! Ridiculous! Oh, yes... and of course there's the fact that there are TWO HUGE BEARS floating around in the sky that could swoop down and eat a super market at any moment! Obviously, THIS is how we will end come December twenty one, two-thousand twelve! Those two bears will pounce on the earth, eat a lot of screaming lemmings, snatch up some important person, climb a tall building, then fall off of it, with the resulting shock wave killing us all.

Blog readers, hear my warning to all of you! We must prepare for the day these horrible creatures return to the earth! Upgrade our weapons! Make huge bear traps! And while those lemmings work on our offensive, all of the other viewers of my blog must work on rocket ships to escape the planet should the worst happen! Lemmings, we will not go down without a fight! Together, we will defeat those monsters, and I guarantee that come the dawn of a new day, there will be bear fur coats for all! ...Of course, then I will write a blog about fur coats so that I won't have to see bear fur brown every second of the day.

Talk amongst yourselves!